still remembers the day she was put behind closed doors with only one
window to see out. It seems as years had passed but yet only a moment in
time, and now she was going home. She wondered if she could really
do it, you know like stand the outside world. That is where it happen,
what ever it was that was in her mind, the fear, the horrible nightmares..
Grace stood staring as if she was in a trance. Her hands shook so bad when
she thought about leaving this place she had been in for two years.
Had it been that long?
The doctor told her to keep things out in the open, not to withdraw from
the past, but could she go on with that still in her mind? The fear of
some dark secret, a pain she was trying to not remember. It was just
another day, time to get the kids ready for school, fix breakfast as
usual. It seemed okay at first, she had a sense of something bad but
couldn’t make it out. Carla and Sammy came running into the kitchen,
“Mommy, Mommy" they called, "Please don’t forget to come to
the school at noon, the play is at noon. Please Mommy, come and see me and
Sammy". Well of course she would, her children were her whole life.
She finished getting them ready and got dressed. She put them in the car
and drove them to school. As the day when on she almost forgot about the
play, she rushed around and got ready, she knew she would have to hurry.
On her way she turned the curve to sharp, her car had been hit with a
tractor trailer and she was thrown clear but remembers nothing after
that. She kind of remembers the hospital, the doctors and nurses, rolling
over and over and the pain, she remembers the pain, then blackness
surrounded her. When she did come out of the coma all she could do was
remember screaming and screaming as she was thrown from the car. Her
husband and children were completely lost to her, no memory of them.
Bailey her husband, came to the hospital and brought Carla and Sammy but
all they did was look at her and cry, “Please Mommy remember
us." It was so sad, Bailey decided it was best not to bring
them back anymore till she was better. He came every day and sat with her,
read to her and showed her pictures of the children as they grew.
It was hazy, the little memories that came to her head. She was
determined to remember. The children were lovely and Bailey was so sweet
to her. He said until she was completely well she didn’t have to come
home, he didn’t want her surrounded with strangers. She thought to
her self 'even if I don’t know this man now, I would like to get
to know him and the children'. But what if the memory came back of
the accident, what if she couldn’t control the emotions? She
wasn’t sure if she was ready. Every time she thought of it her hands
shook. The doctor came in, "well Grace are you ready?“
"I think so" she said "I really think so."
He told her if for any reason she felt upset or needed him he was
there but he thought she was ready.
The day came and Bailey came to pick her up. He opened the door and she
got in, it was quiet. "I am so sorry" Grace said,
"I really am but I know I will do better if I see my home and maybe
be with the children, I know I can remember." Even as he drove
she had a terrible head ache, she seem to know which way he was turning
and where he was going. Then she saw the corner where it happen and
panicked. She thought she was going to scream but she held on to the car
door and just kept quiet, it passed . She wondered why that
particular place scared her. 'It must be the place' she thought. Things
were familiar to her already. Carla and Sammy had grown so much but they
remembered their Mom and how much she loved them and they were determined
to help her no matter what. The doctor had told them of the
reoccurring nightmares and it was okay she had to get it out of her
system, to take it slow.
It seemed calm as the days went by and there were little things that did
The kids were so much help, they didn’t push her into anything, just let
her go slow. The doctor told them she may just wake up and remember, she
had pushed everything from her mind to escape the pain and the horror of
the accident. She had gotten most of everything back, she was almost well.
All except the nightmares still came. Weeks had turned into
months but then it happened. Bailey asked her to go with him to take
the kids to school, she had regained a lot of memory back slowly. The
kids, her husband and friends but still at night sometimes she would wake
up screaming and not
know why. She could not remember the accident.
Bailey took another way around the place where it happen and then
after he dropped the kids off he told her, "Grace we are going to the
corner and we are going to talk about it" . Grace said
"okay" and as they drove in that direction she began to shake.
Bailey slowed down and then parked at the curb. "Here it is" he
said. "Now I want you to look around and I want you to remember
and get it out of your mind, you are okay, I am here."
“No," she said "please take me home." Bailey began
to pull out and Grace said “No stop the car, let me think, just
let me think. I know I have to face this" . As she did it all came
back, the loud noise, her screaming and blood everywhere. She pulled
the mirror down and looked at her face, the scars still there to forever
remind her of that day. She cried but felt better, now it was out,
the fear was leaving and she felt alive again. Thank God it was just
her and the kids had already been taken to school. It could have been so
Each time Grace looks into the mirror she counts her blessings instead of
remembering how horrible it was. She reached over and kissed Bailey,
"Thank you so much she said for being so patient with me and loving
me through this whole thing." You see the mind is like a locked
vault, her doctor had told her this so many times, you have to get the
combination to it. It has to be opened and the contents dealt with, this
is what Grace had decided not to do. With the help of Bailey her husband
and the doctor she is fine now. She is driving and doing all the things
she used to do.
with your fears, bring them out in the open, think about them and then
release them. What ever the fear is, an accident or something that has
happen in your life, deal with it and go on.
© By Harriett Dash 2002