Dealing With The Problem

She still remembers the day she was put behind closed doors with only one window to see out. It seems as years had passed but yet only a moment in time, and now she was going home.  She wondered if she could really do it, you know like stand the outside world. That is where it happen, what ever it was that was in her mind, the fear, the horrible nightmares.. Grace stood staring as if she was in a trance. Her hands shook so bad when she thought about leaving this place she had been in for  two years. Had it been that long? 

The doctor told her to keep things out in the open, not to withdraw from the past, but could she go on with that still in her mind? The fear of some dark secret, a pain she was trying to not remember. It was just another day, time to get the kids ready for school, fix breakfast as usual. It seemed okay at first, she had a sense of something bad but couldnít make it out. Carla and Sammy came running into the kitchen, ďMommy, Mommy" they called, "Please donít forget to come to the school at noon, the play is at noon. Please Mommy, come and see me and Sammy". Well of course she would, her children were her whole life. She finished getting them ready and got dressed. She put them in the car and drove them to school. As the day when on she almost forgot about the play, she rushed around and got ready, she knew she would have to hurry. 

On her way she turned the curve to sharp, her car had been hit with a tractor trailer and she was thrown clear but  remembers nothing after that. She kind of remembers the hospital, the doctors and nurses, rolling over and over and the pain, she remembers the pain, then blackness surrounded her. When she did come out of the coma all she could do was remember screaming and screaming as she was thrown from the car. Her husband and children were completely lost to her, no memory of them. Bailey her husband, came to the hospital and brought Carla and Sammy but all they did was look at her and cry,  ďPlease Mommy remember us."  It was so sad, Bailey decided it was best not to bring them back anymore till she was better. He came every day and sat with her,  read to her and showed her pictures of the children as they grew.

It was hazy, the little memories that came to her head.  She was determined to remember. The children were lovely and Bailey was so sweet to her. He said until she was completely well she didnít have to come home, he didnít want her surrounded with strangers.  She thought to her self  'even if I donít know this man now, I would like to get to know him and the children'.  But what if the memory came back of the accident, what if she couldnít control the emotions?  She wasnít sure if she was ready. Every time she thought of it her hands shook.  The doctor came in, "well Grace are you ready?ď  "I think so"  she said "I really think so."  He told her if for any reason  she felt upset or needed him he was there but he thought she was ready.

The day came and Bailey came to pick her up. He opened the door and she got in,  it was quiet. "I am so sorry"  Grace said, "I really am but I know I will do better if I see my home and maybe be with the children, I know I can remember."   Even as he drove she had a terrible head ache, she seem to know which way he was turning and where he was going. Then she saw the corner where it happen and  panicked. She thought she was going to scream but she held on to the car door and just kept quiet, it passed . She wondered why  that particular place scared her. 'It must be the place' she thought. Things were familiar to her already. Carla and Sammy had grown so much but they remembered their Mom and how much she loved them and they were determined to help her no matter what.  The doctor had told them of the reoccurring nightmares and it was okay she had to get it out of her system, to take it slow.

It seemed calm as the days went by and there were little things that did click.
The kids were so much help, they didnít push her into anything, just let her go slow. The doctor told them she may just wake up and remember, she had pushed everything from her mind to escape the pain and the horror of the accident. She had gotten most of everything back, she was almost well. All except the nightmares still came.  Weeks had turned into  months but then it happened. Bailey  asked her to go with him to take the kids to school, she had regained a lot of memory back slowly. The kids, her husband and friends but still at night sometimes she would wake up screaming and not
know why. She could not remember the accident.

 Bailey took another way around the place where it happen and then after he dropped the kids off he told her, "Grace we are going to the corner and we are going to talk about it" . Grace said "okay" and as they drove in that direction she began to shake. Bailey slowed down and then parked at the curb. "Here it is" he said.  "Now I want you to look around and I want you to remember and get it out of your mind, you are okay, I am here."  ďNo,"  she said "please take me home." Bailey began to pull out and Grace said  ďNo stop the car, let me think, just let me think. I know I have to face this" . As she did it all came back, the loud noise,  her screaming and blood everywhere. She pulled the mirror down and looked at her face, the scars still there to forever remind her of that day.  She cried but felt better, now it was out, the fear was leaving and she felt alive again.  Thank God it was just her and the kids had already been taken to school. It could have been so much worse
Each time Grace looks into the mirror she counts her blessings instead of
remembering how horrible it was. She reached over and kissed Bailey, "Thank you so much she said for being so patient with me and loving me through this whole thing."  You see the mind is like a locked vault, her doctor had told her this so many times, you have to get the combination to it. It has to be opened and the contents dealt with, this is what Grace had decided not to do. With the help of Bailey her husband and the doctor she is fine now. She is driving and doing all the things she used to do.

 Deal with your fears, bring them out in the open, think about them and then release them. What ever the fear is, an accident or something that has happen in your life, deal with it and go on.

© By Harriett Dash 2002    Home