Alzheimer’s Disease
(A hiding place)
She seemed fine as she sat by the window looking out into the rain, but the longer she looked the more she felt as if she was becoming the rain. Falling further down and there was no end, melting into the ground to go deeper and deeper never to return. The feeling of never returning made her stop and think, she looked away into the wooded area, into the sky, anywhere but into the rain seeking an out, a different thought.
The tree tops, the clouds floating around moving slowly but then she noticed, something about the clouds, the vapor also faded. Was this her life, was it made up of vapor, something to just fade away. She then closed her eyes and thought, this is who I am, nothing, or soon will be, a vapor, a rain drop fading to the earth never to return and if so, not the same. She knew in her heart, it was back, that black feeling of depression, hurt, unwanted feeling, being ignored even though surrounded by family and friends, she knew this was all in her mind but could do nothing about it.
All she had wanted was some appreciation of the life she had given to those around her, a little thought of the labor, the long hours of hard work to get everyone to where they were today. But this wasn’t going to happen, everyone was busy with their own lives so she was alone,  the tears flowed, the long hours of neglect, the lonely times, too much alone time, now to decide what to do. To let it come, to be secluded, to be alone, just to not be or think of anyone or anything else, the hurt might go away if uncaring could come in, darkness and sleep, that seemed like all she could do lately. Her heart was hurt, how could she forget her self, who she is? Sadness set in, darkness and then the look in her eyes, like nothing, no feeling at all, no recognition of the rain, the sky or even the beautiful wooded area with all it’s flowers and trees.  Gone like the rain, the vapor and now gone into the wooded area floating to the tree tops but why?
Her family sat around her not knowing what to do, her children with tears flowing down their cheeks with eyes so sad. They had seen it coming and what hurt so bad was, so had she, she told them there was a problem but they didn’t seem to notice and now it was too late. She knew there wasn’t anything that could be done, no cure for it.
Sons and daughters all sat with vacant looks also on their faces. They remembered the most wonderful person they had ever had in their lives, the smiles, the out burst of laughter at any moving thing that struck her fancy. The glow upon her face each time they came to visit, the many hours she sat in the labor room as each daughter had a child, always there for them. Always open arms and open door to anyone. But she now looked at them as strangers, gone to another world of disbelief and bewilderment, looking into the distance as if no one was there.
They waited in hopes with each visit, that for one special moment she’d come back, one moment to say I love you, but as time went on they knew this was the point of no return. They wished
in their hearts they had kept memories alive in her home, gone to visit more, given more of their time, recognized her for who she is, the diamond in their lives, the security in life, in their lives, but now it was too late. They walked away with regret, the kind that never leaves and the fear of it becoming a reality in their lives, Alzheimer’s Disease.
She watched as they got up one by one and wondered who these strangers were. These people that cared enough to come visit with her, should she get up, should she reach out and touch them? No, she had no idea who these people were, they were strangers in her life as it was now, gone forever like a vapor or a rain drop, gone to the highest mountain top. Now with no thoughts in mind she drifted off to worry no more or be lonely.

© Harriett Dash  1/18/2008  Home